How to say no to clients and put boundaries
As freelancers, we live in constant fear of having no income to pay rent the next month.
Freelancer income is irregular and at the mercy of clients who could disappear at a moment’s notice.
So when a gig comes around, our instinct is to say “yes” as quickly and loudly as humanly possible.
But not all gigs are good, and certainly not all clients either.
One of the most important skills (and habits) a freelancer must learn is to say “no” and put up boundaries between clients (who are more than happy to take up all of your time and be All. Up. In. Your. Business.)
A No is a better Yes.
The most valuable advice I have ever received on this topic is shockingly simple and opens up a whole new worldview:
When you say no to things that are not worth your time, you say yes to the ones that are.
This is important for two reasons:
- You are actively going against your own interest by saying yes to something you have no desire to do or that will waste your time, be toxic, not pay well, etc. — you are saying no to yourself: your actual wants, needs, preferences, beliefs, principles, etc.
- You will of course feel bad about saying no to someone. Instead, feel good about saying yes to someone else. What could be better than saying yes to something that you really want, something that truly benefits you? Hand out all those no’s to the distractions so you can plant a big fat beautiful yes on the chosen ones.
No is a negotiation
Keep in mind that a no is not necessarily a final rejection.
If you just say yes to every first offer, you’re never going to get a better second one. Worse yet, clients (and others) will notice that you cave easily and will consider you a pushover: getting you to accept worse and worse deals.
But if you say no, not only will you likely get a better deal, but your power dynamic with the client (or other person) will be much more in your favor than before. You need to set boundaries and show yourself capable of rejecting any offers or behaviors that value you at less than your actual worth.
Be proud of who you are and how good you are. You really are that good — don’t let anyone walk over you (unless they are named Nancy Sinatra and have boots made for walking).
They need you more than you need them
“But no, I’m just one of many freelancers in a sea of them. And they are a big company with lots of money.”
Guess what?
They’re not the only company with lots of money. They have competitors and companies in other industries who also have money and also need freelancers. So there are definitely two sides to this coin.
They need you more than you need them because — for all their money — they have a problem that needs fixing. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t come to you in the first place. And they know you can fix it, which is why they are asking you to do it.
Plus, of all other experts in your field out there, there may be some better than you, but there are a lot who are worse too.
Don’t sell yourself short. If you are in the position of having the choice to answer yes or no, then you are in control.
Boundaries, Part 1: Work
The most common way a client breaks boundaries is by trying to get you to do more work than agreed upon for the same amount of money, and sometimes faster too. That’s why it really helps to have your scope of work and compensation agreed upon in writing. This way you can politely shove it in the client’s face remind the client that this is what was agreed upon and anything above that needs to have a separate arrangement.
The client will always need more work done.
The client is always in a rush. The client always has “just one more thing” for you to edit. By now you know better. And it’s entirely within your power (and in your benefit) to say no.
Boundaries, Part 2: You already have a BFF
In this gig economy world of jumping from project to project and from client to client, it feels since to form a good working relationship with a client, get to know them personally, even become friendly.
It’s certainly ok to be friends with clients (though be careful not to lose sight of the professional and business relationship between you). But you don’t have to be more friendly than you want to. You (hopefully) already have friends. So (hopefully) does your client.
If you feel that your relationship is getting too personal — put up a boundary. This doesn’t need to be awkward or mean. People generally respect boundaries when they are clearly articulated. And when you do get that occasional clingy and oblivious client who can’t get a hint:
The takeaway
Saying no sounds scary and wrong, but is actually the best thing you can do to raise your value and open yourself up to the projects, clients, and opportunities that you really want. No one will set boundaries for you, so stand up for yourself and make no to others your most powerful tool in getting to say yes to yourself.
And… action!
Let’s put this into action. Grab whatever you use to take notes and answer these questions:
- What have you really wanted to say no to?
- What about yes?
- Recall and write down 3 times you got a better deal by first saying no (not necessarily money-wise, it could be a better relationship-dynamic, etc.).
- Think of a current client. What problems are you solving for them? List as many as you can.
- What problems can you solve for clients better than many of your competitors? List as many as you can.
- Do you have a clear service agreement in place? It is working well, or do you maybe need to revisit it to make sure the client does not break boundaries?
- Recall and write down every way in which a client ever broke or tried to break your work or personal boundaries (make a list for each). Pin it on the wall or somewhere else you can see it every time you take a client phone/Zoom call.
